Nighttime Hosts Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Scheme

Late-night's prominent entertainers devoted the airtime criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's newly announced visa program, called the "golden visa," characterizing it as a blatant pay-for-access system for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Spin

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical Christmas song targeting the president. "He is making a list, checking it twice, before handing that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "The President ... destroys everything he handles."

The subject was the controversial plan that permits foreign nationals to acquire U.S. residence for an investment of one million dollars, with a "top-tier" version for 5 million. An official website promises approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick note here to wealthy foreigners: prior to you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the card is also meant to "squeeze cash" from firms looking to hire skilled workers, involving large payments. "That is a lot of fees, however if you register, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your choosing – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The best screening the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants completely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow affluent overseas citizens to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the application, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining poll numbers during financial concerns. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were upset about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a effort to tackle affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, and behaved peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking right-leaning media arguments of Trump's economic record. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.